What is Shadow Work?
Shadow work is one of those spiritual phrases that sounds a lot scarier than it actually is. In reality, shadow work is all about getting to know the more suppressed versions of ourselves. The versions that cause us to feel a lot of shame and insecurity, but are important to consider when thinking about healing and getting closer to our higher selves.
Shadow work asks us to examine where we’ve been hurt in the past in order to gain better insight into how this pain has manifested into the versions of ourselves that we’re familiar with today. It causes us to ask questions like: when and where do I feel most insecure? And why? And: how have these insecurities manifested into the views about myself that I hold today?
I understand that doing shadow work, or healing in general, can seem like a daunting task. I want to assure you that there is no right way to heal and there is no right way to do shadow work. There is only doing what feels right for you. Don’t like journaling? Find other ways to release your thoughts and build a relationship with your mind. Maybe this looks like a creative outlet or therapy. Don’t feel in the mood or drawn to do healing work right now? That’s okay too, wait until your body and heart tell you it’s time.
Shadow work for me looked like unpacking my perfectionism. It started with me first observing myself and noticing that the moments where I felt most insecure and shameful were during the times where I felt I wasn’t aligning with the idea of myself that I had in my head. Then I began to narrow my focus and ask myself why I desired to be perfect in the first place and where I had learned that being perfect was the only right way to be. Soon I realized that I had associated perfectionism with love and viewed being perfect—saying the right thing, being the perfect friend, being productive all the time—as a way of showing that I was worthy of love. After asking myself these questions and doing this shadow work I was able to sit with this part of myself and remind her that although being perfect might have seemed like a viable way to receive love in the past that I no longer needed to do this. I reminded myself that my sense of worth comes from who I am on the inside and not because of any particular image that I project externally. After doing this shadow work I have been able to heal this part of myself and I can love on myself and others more freely than before.
You will not be magically healed by doing shadow work. You will, however, understand yourself and your habits better so that when this shadow side of yourself appears, because it will, you will be able to deal with it in a healthier way.
To help get you started here are some journaling/thinking prompts:
What are my biggest insecurities? (Eg. not having a purpose, your body, etc)
When and where do I feel the most shame? (Eg. when I’m eating, when I’m talking about ____, etc)
Where did I learn that these qualities were something to be insecure about or ashamed of?
How have these insecurities influenced how I show up in the world today?
Going forward, what steps can I take to unlearn that these qualities are something to be ashamed of or insecure about? And, how can I love myself more in these areas?
Please remember that healing is a process and that the only end-goal is to love yourself more. Please also remember that there is nothing wrong with you and that even though you may have insecurities that make you uncomfortable or shame around things that you wish you didn’t—just breathe. None of us are perfect and never will be. Learning about ourselves in this way only helps us grow more intimately in relationship with ourselves and show us where we can love ourselves more. Be gentle with yourself as you do this work and remember to prioritize self-care and rest always.
xx, Zaria